081 – modern day commandments


I• thou shalt not picketh food off mineth plate after thou order’d a salad and claim’d to be full -especially mineth dess’rt

ΙΙ thou shalt not openeth thy shirt till thy belly button to reveal thy lion-like chest hair. i will be tempt’d to pulleth some out

ΙII thou shalt not crosseth the fucking road while looking the wrong fucking way

IV thou shalt not ruineth game of thrones episodes ‘r taunt me with them all day just because i’m not up to date with the latest episode

V thou shalt not eateth mineth food in the fridge – especially with the sticker that says ‘get thy owneth food fucker’

VI Thou shalt not add deodorant onto sweating skin and synthetic fiber, only then to stick your armpit under my nose on the metro

VII thou shalt not talketh f’r moo than 20 minutes about thy fantastic self – after minute 20:01 mineth headeth will explodeth from thy ego

VIII thou shalt not siteth on me and asketh me if thou’re heavy. if i’m not breathing, thou’re heavy

IX thou shalt slapeth mineth ass and then geteth hurteth when i complaineth

X thou shalt be ready to be slapp’d backeth

XI thou shalt not finish the lasteth dropeth of milketh – yea if it means leaving 1mm in the bombard, thou don’t wanteth to be the bad guy.

XII thou shalt not off’reth me chocolate when i’m dieting

XIII thou shalt not calleth me sugar, sist’r, ‘r daught’r. ‘r honey.

XIV thou shalt not sweareth about mineth moth’r and h’r anatomy


XV thou shall not sprayeth civet inside thy palm, i dont needeth to smelleth thy scent the whole day ‘r until i washeth mineth hands just because we shook hands

XVI thou shall not toucheth someone’s laptop displayeth with your greasy finger

XVII thou shall not wearing 100 metal bracelets specially during w’rketh hours. if thou strongly feeleth about the latt’r then doeth not weareth ’em in the handeth thou useth thy mouse with, causeth i can not taketh the click-cling-cling-cling-click symphony f’r o”r three seconds

XVIII thou shall not weareth high heels to a quite wooden flo’ry places, sayeth libraries ‘r MDF flo’r’d offices, nay one wants to counteth thy steps f’r hours instead of focusing on whatev’r the hell they art doing

XIX thou shall not drageth thy feet when thou walking nay one is int’rest’d in the sheeeb sheeb sheeb soundtrack

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